The word ‘toxic’ gets thrown around a lot but it’s usually used if someone/group of people are just unappealing and unhealthy to be around. It’s not easy to see ‘toxic’ people when you’re associated with them on a day to day basis but they may be easier to spot after reading this.
What Is A ‘Toxic’ Person? (Spot The Signs)
- Someone who criticises you far too often. This is one of the main traits associated with a toxic individual. People who critizise your life decisions, saying you need to behave in a certain way or do certain things. Toxic people also tend to never really be happy for you, always make you question why you have made certain decisions. These are the people you shouldn’t have in your life.
- People who have a negative mindset, unable to see the positive in any situation. They try and bring you and the whole group down by spreading their pessimism. You don’t need someone to constantly devalue and chastise any situation. Strangely there’s a lot of good in many situations, but it’s easy to let someone convince you that everything’s bad. Don’t allow them to indoctrinate you with their own negativity.
- They Play the victim all the time, sound familiar? You get the blame, nothing is ever their fault, their actions and consequences suddenly become your responsibility; right… There are so many people guilty of this, using their insecurities and jealousy to tear you down to their piteous, victimised level. Don’t allow others’ insecurity tear you down, you are not to blame, you haven’t done anything wrong. The hardest bit is to stand up to this, but give it a shot and it becomes easier with time. Do not accept victim blaming.
- Manipulative people. Criticising you into acting/behaving a certain way and doing exactly as they want you to. You may do this out of fear of losing your friends and being on your own but you have to realise you are better off without these people. No one should control how you act or behave, you are your own person and can make your own informed decisions. You are not wrong for not wanting to do something, the only wrong thing is trying to impose your own agenda on someone else.
- Jealousy. This also links in with people not being happy for you or any decision you make, it all boils down to jealousy. They can’t admit it but they are jealous of what you have/achieved and want it themselves. In order for themselves to feel better they pick on your ‘flaws’ to hide their own insecurities. Be proud of your achievements and your happiness, take the jealousy as a compliment (they’re secretly happy for you!).
- People who don’t care. They may seem emotionless and feel no remorse with anything they say even if its hurtful. You could fall out with a friend and they can easily disregard it, not even ask if you’re OK, and if they do it’s only to stroke their own precious ego. You know when something is disingenuous, don’t fall for the trap. Everyone’s true colours come out eventually, even those closest to you, spot it and do something about it.
- Don’t take responsibility for their actions/can’t acknowledge mistakes or apologise. This ties in with playing the victim. You’re the one that has to be sorry, you caused this, and this, and this. No. You didn’t. It takes a real coward to avoid responsibility and not have any ability to own up to mistakes and apologise. It also takes a coward to apologise disingenuously. If you can see someone avoiding any responsibility and having a complete inability to genuinely say sorry, it’s probably time to move on.
- Only talking to you when they want something. This boils my blood and it’s so easy to recognise. Funny isn’t it, your message asking how someone is, if they want to do something gets completely ignored. But when someone requires your services, empathy and generosity, they’re fully attentive. Stop giving yourself to people who simply want to use you up for all your kindness. It’s so easy to do when you’re manipulated by these people and criticised when you don’t do something they want. But we all know when this happens, so seriously stop being so nice, learn to say no.
- Not sticking up for you. Ever been in a situation where you could use a little help, a little back up from your mates, but they haven’t delivered? Yet when your help is required you have to give all that you have otherwise you’re a useless friend. Ugh. Isn’t it such a basic thing to do, stick up for a friend when they need you? Well for toxic people it seems to be a hard concept to grasp. Them seeing you suffer is satisfying in an extremely messed up way. It boosts them up and tears you down, now it seems like they have more authority and control over you, now you’re this tiny, inferior person; totally subordinate and subservient. It’s not hard to stand up for something that’s wrong, especially when it’s your friend.
How To Get Rid Of Toxic People
One simple answer, detox your social life.
Cleanse your social media, remove people you no longer talk to and people you haven’t spoken to in a while. Keep everything clean and healthy, we underestimate the power of social media and its effects on our mental well being. Young people are literally run by social media, it’s our generation’s way of being. Look after it, by doing so you’re looking after you.
Sometimes we need to let go of those we deemed closest to us. As we grow we realise we’re not the same as we used to be, we become smarter, more mature and realise some peoples’ actual intentions and demeanour. The first step to reaching our new found happiness is saying goodbye to the ones who have brought us down, failed us, hurt us, the list goes on. Spend your time focusing on yourself and making a better version of yourself. Have a fresh start, concentrate on you.
Does any of this information resonate with you? If it does, first I’m sorry, but I’m so happy for you also. You’re taking a step in the right direction. Say no for once, ditch that boy/girl who’s made you feel bad about yourself for ages, pursue that hobby they all said you shouldn’t do, wear that t shirt, listen to that music; stick up for yourself. These people exist to make you feel bad about being you. There are people out there who will empower you, make you the best version of you, teach you new things and guide you to success. This all part of the game. These people are the bad guys you need to defeat. The good guys are at the end of the game. It’s all a learning curve.
Find people who accept you and your life choices.